Week 23

Along with another fabulous volunteer I run a weekly Pagan circle at the prison.  This group is open to everyone who is interested in either learning about or practicing Paganism.  It can sometimes be a challenging group to lead because we can average between six to twenty people depending on the season, and have a huge range of experience levels and types of Paganism represented at any given meeting.  

This past week I didn't feel well prepared for the group.  I had a horrible headache all day long and was finding it difficult to keep my mind focused.  I was hoping we would have a small enough group that we could work with some tarot decks.  This prison allows inmates to purchase one of three decks for their personal use.  I have purchased a small collection of decks for us to use.  Unfortunately two of them have been stolen from the group as well as one of the little booklets that come with the decks. One was discovered and returned to me, but the other never was.  Now I have had to mark all of my decks so that to discourage them from wandering away from the group.

We had just the perfect number of people to be able to all have a deck to work with.  I have been using a wonderful book called Tarot Shadow Work by Christine Jette.  Christien Jette defines the shadow as "...unresolved inner conflicts and unexpressed emotions.  It refers to those archetypal images which are intuitively recognisable as a troubling part of us: saboteur, martyr, victim, addict, sadist, masochist, or tyrant.  The shadow is also present in those latent talents and positive impulses which we discouraged or even banished from our lives at some time on our life path: artistic, musical, athletic, creative talents which have never been realized."

The book is set up to have a different star shaped tarot spread for each chapter.  Each spread helps uncover a particular aspect of the shadow and how it is working in your life.  So far we have worked on the first two spreads, both of which were very easy for the inmates to understand and connect with.  The Star of Discovery focuses on uncovering what shadow types are working in your life.  As we worked through this spread I heard a lot of people sighing and exclaiming as their cards pointed them towards a deep truth.  It was very moving to witness.  

This week we worked through the second spread, the Star of Recovery.  This spread helps you learn more about why a particular shadow got a hold in your life and begins to look at what you need to move past it.  I heard several reaction as we used this spread.  Some people were frankly unhappy with what the cards had to say!  They knew that it was the right information, they just weren't sure if they were ready to deal with it.  Other people felt that their reading gave them the affirmation that they were on the right track.  

Tarot Shadow Work is a fantastic book, and I am finding it to be natural fit for prison populations.  It is wonderful for anyone working on addiction, dysfunctional relationships, and anxiety or depression. I highly recommend it!  Christine Jette has also written a booked called Tarot for the Healing Heart which looks quite promising as well.  I have just ordered two used copies of the book.  One for myself and one for the prison.  

Learn more about Christine Jette and her wonderful tarot spreads with the links below.  

An article by Christine Jette from Llewellyn

An interview with Christine Jette about grief and healing from atatarot.com

A tarot spread for spring 

Spring Blessings,

Holly

Happy New Year!

Welcome to 2014!  My new term hasn't officially started yet, but I have been working on a few things for it.  One of the big projects is that I am preparing to start a new SoulCollage® program at the prison.  SoulCollage® is a fun, simple, and intuative form of collage that can help people make meaninging out of their lives.  I am hoping to incorporate this work into my masters thesis paper.

All of the little collages you have seen accompanying my blog posts are examples of my own SoulCollage® cards.  Each one has a special and unique meaning and I can't wait to see what art the inamtes create.  The first step is getting my thesis proposal written and approved.  I had planned on doing all of that over my break, but was derailed when I got a cold and flu virus back to back.

One of the other little projects I have been working on is making a new postcard for the prison.  I use Vistaprint to design and print out postcards that have a listing of all the Pagan Sabbats, full moons, and new moons for the year.  Vistaprint makes this easy and has many options.  I can sometimes get a great Groupon for Vistaprint, or Vistaprint almost always has some sort of promotion going.

This is what this years looks like.  I had to blur out the name of the prison on the front.  You will notice that I used the generic Sabbat dates for this, although if you want to get fancy you could look up the specific dates for each one!  While this is a bit of a cost for me, I count is part of my giving back for the year.

Week Nine

I now have three standing “appointments” with inmates.  I am enjoying getting to know these inmates on a deeper level.  Often people come in for some simple advice, or to ask for a quick prayer, and I don’t get to see them again.  At most,  I may pass them in the hallway or wave to them as they enter a church service.  Having standing pastoral counseling sessions will allow me to go deeper with the inmates, and track their progress.

Every time I think I have gotten past the shock of learning someone’s crime I stand corrected.  It happened again this week when I decided to read the counselor reports on my newest standing appointment.  What I read gave me a jolt.  The crime, which I won’t divulge, is opposite to me belief system about how to care for other humans.

I am again left with trying to hold two very different things.  In one hand,  I have an inmate who is struggling to make sense of their faith in a difficult world.  I see someone who is working very hard at living a positive life and is pleasant to spend time with.

In my other hand,  I have their crime, and it is appalling.  It causes the mother in me to want to weep, and the Pagan in me feel angry that the sacredness of life could be treated so callously.

This is not an easy thing for me to manage, but I am learning that there is almost always a story that leads a person to try to get their needs met in a disastrous way.  Usually the inmates have come from an environment that did not protect their basic physiological, developmental, and/or psychological needs.

This neglect seems to make some people very vulnerable to seek out emotional regulation in antisocial manners.  Although, we all know people who have experienced similar levels of neglect who have to engaged in antisocial activity.  Why is this?  Why are some people more resilient and more aware of the needs of others?

I don’t have any answers to this or the dozens of other questions that spin through my mind each week.  For now, my eyes are open to the complexities of prison chaplaincy, my heart is open to all forms of sorrow, and my mind is aware of when they meet abruptly.

Week Three

I suck at prayer. 

Well, I do just fine if I am praying for my family, friends, or other Pagans, but I freeze up when I pray for Christian inmates.  I worry that I don’t have the words that they need hear.  I don’t know when to stop praying and I am so in my head that I am not speaking from my heart.  After giving two prayers on Wednesday, and feeling very unsure of how successful they were, I spoke with the chaplain that I work under.  She gave my great advice.  She told me that she has a certain formula for all of her prayers that focuses on gratitude and empowerment.  It was an ‘ah-ha’ moment for me.  A formula is exactly what I need, or rather a framework.  A framework to support the different goals that I want to achieve when praying with an inmate. 

The idea of a framework for praying is natural to my Pagan sensibilities.  When I write a ritual or work a spell there is a certain flow that I almost always use.  It helps me focus my energies, make sure that I transition well from one intent to another, and creates the ritualistic function that is comforting to so many.  Thinking about the chaplain’s advice, I realized that I need to use a similar framework for my prayers.  My hope a formula for prayer will feel natural to me while also helping me connect with the Divine and the inmate. 

Here is the first draft of my prayer framework:

I pray to the Divine Spirit to be me with me and (name) in this moment.

I pray that (name) be sent the (insert something about being sent wisdom).

I pray that (name) be sent the (insert something about being sent change).

I pray that (name) be sent the (insert something about being sent comfort).

I pray that (name) be sent the (insert something about being sent strength). 

I pray for all of this or better, as you in your Divine wisdom, see fit.

Blessed Be, Amen, and Namaste.

I based this prayer off of the four elemental energies of Air, Fire, Water, and Earth and ordered them in the same way that I call them during a ritual.  My hope is that this will make it easy for me to remember and connect with, and that that in turn will help me make my prayers healing and comforting for the inmates. 

Now that I have my prayer framework I am going to practice it as often as I can so that it becomes second nature to me.  I am going to ask people to give me a random problem so that I can practice giving a spontaneous prayer.  Maybe this seems a little contrived, but hey, as a nurse I practiced my phlebotomy skills until they were flawless, so why not practice the art of prayer?

God, our Creator, has stored within our minds and personalities, great potential strength and ability.

Prayer helps us tap and develop these powers.
Abdul Kalam 

Week 1

Well, I’ve done it.  I completed my first week as an intern prison chaplain.  I can not even begin to describe how nervous I was leading up to it!  I felt like I was preparing for my first day of high school.  I didn’t get over my nerves until I left the building and walked to my car!

I am not totally new to prison chaplaincy.  I have been voluntarily running a religious program there for almost two years, but it feels different to be an intern.  For one,  thing, volunteers are only allowed to talk about the religion that they volunteer under.  As an intern chaplain,  I work in an interfaith capacity.  I need to be as useful to a Sufi inmate as I am to a Catholic inmate.  Interfaith means that I may work with Agnostics, Humanists, and Atheists as well.

That brings me to an interesting experience.  I met with two inmates that both wanted to be able to spend more time with “good Christians.”  I talked with each of them for a while, and afterwords they both expressed gratitude for our conversation.  The thing is, I am not Christian.  I think they assumed that since I introduced myself as ‘Chaplain Holly’ that I must be a Christian.  I am fine with them assuming that.  I don’t think chaplaincy has much to do with religion anyway.  I strive to be a voice of reasonable loving Spirit.

Can any religion have the lock on love and compassion?  All do it well sometimes, and screw it up sometimes.  As do people!  The thing that worries me, is that I might not be able to be ‘enough’ for some people.  I don’t know the right words or prayers to soothe every heart.  I want to be what people need, and I don’t know how to always do that.  I will have to learn to accept that I have to put faith in the Universe to speak through me and offer up a message that they need to hear.  Sometimes I’ll mess it up, but I don’t know of any perfect Gods, so I guess I don’t have to be either.

Blessings,

Chaplain Holly