Week Nine

I now have three standing “appointments” with inmates.  I am enjoying getting to know these inmates on a deeper level.  Often people come in for some simple advice, or to ask for a quick prayer, and I don’t get to see them again.  At most,  I may pass them in the hallway or wave to them as they enter a church service.  Having standing pastoral counseling sessions will allow me to go deeper with the inmates, and track their progress.

Every time I think I have gotten past the shock of learning someone’s crime I stand corrected.  It happened again this week when I decided to read the counselor reports on my newest standing appointment.  What I read gave me a jolt.  The crime, which I won’t divulge, is opposite to me belief system about how to care for other humans.

I am again left with trying to hold two very different things.  In one hand,  I have an inmate who is struggling to make sense of their faith in a difficult world.  I see someone who is working very hard at living a positive life and is pleasant to spend time with.

In my other hand,  I have their crime, and it is appalling.  It causes the mother in me to want to weep, and the Pagan in me feel angry that the sacredness of life could be treated so callously.

This is not an easy thing for me to manage, but I am learning that there is almost always a story that leads a person to try to get their needs met in a disastrous way.  Usually the inmates have come from an environment that did not protect their basic physiological, developmental, and/or psychological needs.

This neglect seems to make some people very vulnerable to seek out emotional regulation in antisocial manners.  Although, we all know people who have experienced similar levels of neglect who have to engaged in antisocial activity.  Why is this?  Why are some people more resilient and more aware of the needs of others?

I don’t have any answers to this or the dozens of other questions that spin through my mind each week.  For now, my eyes are open to the complexities of prison chaplaincy, my heart is open to all forms of sorrow, and my mind is aware of when they meet abruptly.