Week Three

I suck at prayer. 

Well, I do just fine if I am praying for my family, friends, or other Pagans, but I freeze up when I pray for Christian inmates.  I worry that I don’t have the words that they need hear.  I don’t know when to stop praying and I am so in my head that I am not speaking from my heart.  After giving two prayers on Wednesday, and feeling very unsure of how successful they were, I spoke with the chaplain that I work under.  She gave my great advice.  She told me that she has a certain formula for all of her prayers that focuses on gratitude and empowerment.  It was an ‘ah-ha’ moment for me.  A formula is exactly what I need, or rather a framework.  A framework to support the different goals that I want to achieve when praying with an inmate. 

The idea of a framework for praying is natural to my Pagan sensibilities.  When I write a ritual or work a spell there is a certain flow that I almost always use.  It helps me focus my energies, make sure that I transition well from one intent to another, and creates the ritualistic function that is comforting to so many.  Thinking about the chaplain’s advice, I realized that I need to use a similar framework for my prayers.  My hope a formula for prayer will feel natural to me while also helping me connect with the Divine and the inmate. 

Here is the first draft of my prayer framework:

I pray to the Divine Spirit to be me with me and (name) in this moment.

I pray that (name) be sent the (insert something about being sent wisdom).

I pray that (name) be sent the (insert something about being sent change).

I pray that (name) be sent the (insert something about being sent comfort).

I pray that (name) be sent the (insert something about being sent strength). 

I pray for all of this or better, as you in your Divine wisdom, see fit.

Blessed Be, Amen, and Namaste.

I based this prayer off of the four elemental energies of Air, Fire, Water, and Earth and ordered them in the same way that I call them during a ritual.  My hope is that this will make it easy for me to remember and connect with, and that that in turn will help me make my prayers healing and comforting for the inmates. 

Now that I have my prayer framework I am going to practice it as often as I can so that it becomes second nature to me.  I am going to ask people to give me a random problem so that I can practice giving a spontaneous prayer.  Maybe this seems a little contrived, but hey, as a nurse I practiced my phlebotomy skills until they were flawless, so why not practice the art of prayer?

God, our Creator, has stored within our minds and personalities, great potential strength and ability.

Prayer helps us tap and develop these powers.
Abdul Kalam 

Week 1

Well, I’ve done it.  I completed my first week as an intern prison chaplain.  I can not even begin to describe how nervous I was leading up to it!  I felt like I was preparing for my first day of high school.  I didn’t get over my nerves until I left the building and walked to my car!

I am not totally new to prison chaplaincy.  I have been voluntarily running a religious program there for almost two years, but it feels different to be an intern.  For one,  thing, volunteers are only allowed to talk about the religion that they volunteer under.  As an intern chaplain,  I work in an interfaith capacity.  I need to be as useful to a Sufi inmate as I am to a Catholic inmate.  Interfaith means that I may work with Agnostics, Humanists, and Atheists as well.

That brings me to an interesting experience.  I met with two inmates that both wanted to be able to spend more time with “good Christians.”  I talked with each of them for a while, and afterwords they both expressed gratitude for our conversation.  The thing is, I am not Christian.  I think they assumed that since I introduced myself as ‘Chaplain Holly’ that I must be a Christian.  I am fine with them assuming that.  I don’t think chaplaincy has much to do with religion anyway.  I strive to be a voice of reasonable loving Spirit.

Can any religion have the lock on love and compassion?  All do it well sometimes, and screw it up sometimes.  As do people!  The thing that worries me, is that I might not be able to be ‘enough’ for some people.  I don’t know the right words or prayers to soothe every heart.  I want to be what people need, and I don’t know how to always do that.  I will have to learn to accept that I have to put faith in the Universe to speak through me and offer up a message that they need to hear.  Sometimes I’ll mess it up, but I don’t know of any perfect Gods, so I guess I don’t have to be either.

Blessings,

Chaplain Holly