Week 24

It is officially spring!  While parts of the country have not yet accepted this fact, my area is full into lush springtime.  Daffodils are up, trees have new leaf buds, my camellia plant is overwhelming in bloom, and their is a warmth in the day.  Sunshine mixed with rain is bringing all sorts of life to my area.  I find that I am extra grateful for these small blessings now that I am working with people who will not be able to view most of this for themselves.  

The adjacent minimum prison has a vegetable garden that the inmates can work in, but medium security does not.  Some trees can be seen in the distance of most of the yards, and a few plants are scattered around areas the inmates walk through, but mostly its just grass and cement.  Not especially inspiring for the Pagan spirit.  

Part of my work with Pagan inmates is to help them find ways to connect with the four elements while living in a very limited setting.  Water is one of the easiest elements to connect with since it used so often in our daily life.  Washing our hands, having a drink, taking a shower, and other basic cleanliness tasks all involve some form of water.  I encourage inmates to make showering into a sacred act if possible, and to use this time for meditation and prayer.  Most have responded really well to this suggestion and have adapted it to suite their particular style and needs.  

Air is another element that inmates can easily access.  Now, the air in the prison I work with is not the best quality.  We don't have windows that open and the exterior doors only can open briefly.  The air is usually too warm or too cold for comfort and thick with the smell of whatever the kitchen is cooking. Still, our breath can connect us to the element of air anytime and anywhere.  It is constantly available to us.  Inmates also have told me that they use their time outside on the yard to practice deep breathing, watch the clouds drift through the sky, and sometimes to find a lost feather or two.  

Earth can be a trickier element to connect with.  Some of the yards have a patch of dirt or grass, but not all of them.  The inmates who do have this like to take off their shoes and put their feet into the dirt on sunny days.  Others will try energetically to connect with the earth that resides under the cement that they are surrounded by.  While the food that they are served is not the freshest, most of it came from the earth at some point so it can be a natural way to connect with the earth if you spend a moment in contemplation.  

Fire is the hardest element to connect with.  No candles, matches, smoking, or incense of any kind can be used by inmates in my state.  Some of the volunteers are allowed to use a candle or incense in the chapel and we have a sweat lodge and sage smudge that can be used outside.  On a daily basis I encourage inmates to connect with the energy of the sun, which is affecting them even if they can't stand outside in it.  Food also holds the energy of the sun.  Produce has been grown through photosynthesis and the heat of cooking has turned ingredients into a meal.  The stars at night are delightful fiery globes that, despite their distance, we can still connect with.  

Each week our Pagan group sings the same simple chant: Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath, and fire my spirit.  I have noticed that new group members are sometimes startled by the mention of "blood" in the chant, and when I see that look of alarm cross their faces I try to take a moment to educate the group that we sing this chant in order to remember that we always have the four elements within us at all times.  We don't need anything special to be with the Divine, we just need to take a moment to appreciate the gifts of nature that are around and within us.

Spring Blessings!

Holly

Week 23

Along with another fabulous volunteer I run a weekly Pagan circle at the prison.  This group is open to everyone who is interested in either learning about or practicing Paganism.  It can sometimes be a challenging group to lead because we can average between six to twenty people depending on the season, and have a huge range of experience levels and types of Paganism represented at any given meeting.  

This past week I didn't feel well prepared for the group.  I had a horrible headache all day long and was finding it difficult to keep my mind focused.  I was hoping we would have a small enough group that we could work with some tarot decks.  This prison allows inmates to purchase one of three decks for their personal use.  I have purchased a small collection of decks for us to use.  Unfortunately two of them have been stolen from the group as well as one of the little booklets that come with the decks. One was discovered and returned to me, but the other never was.  Now I have had to mark all of my decks so that to discourage them from wandering away from the group.

We had just the perfect number of people to be able to all have a deck to work with.  I have been using a wonderful book called Tarot Shadow Work by Christine Jette.  Christien Jette defines the shadow as "...unresolved inner conflicts and unexpressed emotions.  It refers to those archetypal images which are intuitively recognisable as a troubling part of us: saboteur, martyr, victim, addict, sadist, masochist, or tyrant.  The shadow is also present in those latent talents and positive impulses which we discouraged or even banished from our lives at some time on our life path: artistic, musical, athletic, creative talents which have never been realized."

The book is set up to have a different star shaped tarot spread for each chapter.  Each spread helps uncover a particular aspect of the shadow and how it is working in your life.  So far we have worked on the first two spreads, both of which were very easy for the inmates to understand and connect with.  The Star of Discovery focuses on uncovering what shadow types are working in your life.  As we worked through this spread I heard a lot of people sighing and exclaiming as their cards pointed them towards a deep truth.  It was very moving to witness.  

This week we worked through the second spread, the Star of Recovery.  This spread helps you learn more about why a particular shadow got a hold in your life and begins to look at what you need to move past it.  I heard several reaction as we used this spread.  Some people were frankly unhappy with what the cards had to say!  They knew that it was the right information, they just weren't sure if they were ready to deal with it.  Other people felt that their reading gave them the affirmation that they were on the right track.  

Tarot Shadow Work is a fantastic book, and I am finding it to be natural fit for prison populations.  It is wonderful for anyone working on addiction, dysfunctional relationships, and anxiety or depression. I highly recommend it!  Christine Jette has also written a booked called Tarot for the Healing Heart which looks quite promising as well.  I have just ordered two used copies of the book.  One for myself and one for the prison.  

Learn more about Christine Jette and her wonderful tarot spreads with the links below.  

An article by Christine Jette from Llewellyn

An interview with Christine Jette about grief and healing from atatarot.com

A tarot spread for spring 

Spring Blessings,

Holly

Week 22

I have not been at the prison much this week.  A series of events derailed me from my internship!  First my almost spring allergies sent me into a throbbing ear infection, very unpleasant.  I reluctantly called in sick to work and planned on spending the day laying down and using herbal eardrops to soothe the infection, but I got an email from a good friend that her beloved grandmother was back in the hospital and that were going to stop all interventions and allow her to die. I knew that this would be hard for my friend so I jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes, and rushed to my car.

The first few hours we were in a holding pattern waiting for a room to open on a floor better able to handle palliative care.  The staff was trying to slow things down long enough for a family member to arrive from out of state.   I could tell that some of the staff was stressed about how to perform palliative care while also prolonging her life long enough for the plane to arrive. 

The hospital staff was great.  The nurses worked hard to keep Grandma comfortable and to be as supportive as they could to the family.  It was interesting to be able to be on the other side of the hospital bed and not have to worry about a list of duties and responsibilities.  I enjoyed just being there for my friend and her loved ones.

Lots of stories, laughter, and tears were shared.  Most of the tears were mine!  My friend did a great job holding back her tears and just focusing on keeping her grandmother comfortable and safe.  It wasn’t until the moment of death that her tears really began to flow and the emotions hit her.  She didn’t have to hold it back anymore.

I get very emotional about births and deaths.  Tears come easily to me.  It isn’t because I am extremely sad, but because I am aware of the fragility and the absolute miracle of life.  The feeling is so huge, and difficult to describe with words, that it spills out in my tears.  

“Over the ages, the weeping of tears has been a sign 

of the mystical experiences of saints and repentant sinners. 

These transcendent moments go beyond what the mind can comprehend; 

tears are a response of the heart.”  

-Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat 

Several amazing things happened while we were gathered around the hospital bed.  The first was that a harpist came in to play for my friend’s grandmother.  It was so beautiful and soothing.  The three of us in attendance were absolutely quiet and transfixed by watching Grandma’s face.  She was visibly soothed by the music and woke up enough to have a nice moment with my friend.  The woman playing the harp said that the method she uses is called Music-Thanatology and that she was syncing her music to the patient’s breathing.  This same therapy was offered at the hospital I had worked for, but I had never been able to sit and witness its effect.  It was very moving.  You can read more about music-thanatology with the links below.

Sacred Flight

What Is Music-Thanatology?

The second special thing that happened was that we got the perfect chaplain!  My friend had hoped to be able to burn some sage and smudge her grandmother, but of course that wasn’t allowed because of the oxygen and smoke alarms.  Well, one doctor said we could just do it and say that we didn’t know it wasn’t allowed, but the room had the kind of smoke alarms that was attached to a sprinkler system!  The chaplain for our floor came by and said that although he couldn’t help us burn sage, he could give us some Rose of Sharon Oil for anointing and teach us how to clean her energy.  Now what are the chances that our little hippie group just happened to stumble onto a shamanic chaplain at a Catholic hospital? 

He showed us a simple way to cleanse Grandma’s energy field and ground the negative energy.  We did this twice as part of a short ritual.  We added some of the rose oil to a bottle of rose water and used it to spray around the room.  I also used it to bless Grandma.  I don’t know exactly what I said because I wasn’t working with any prewritten words, but simply what came to me in the moment.  I called in the Universe, God, and all of the spirits of loved ones that have passed to be with Grandma.  I then anointed her third eye and asked the Universe to send Grandma all of the best memories of her life and loves.  I anointed her heart and asked the Universe to send Grandma all of the love that she has inspired in other people and also to reflect back all of the love that she has given.  I anointed her hands and asked them to be blessed for all of the times she has used them to share kindness with others.  I anointed her feet and asked them to be blessed for all of the trials they have walked through and for the journey that lies ahead. 

Eventually, my friend’s brother arrived and their grandmother had her oxygen turned off.  Thankfully the nurse had good orders for comforting medications and was not shy about using them.  We all told stories and reminisced while we watched her breathing slow and take short pauses.  Each pause would bring tension to the room as we wondered if this was it, but it took a few hours before her spirit passed on to whatever lays beyond this life. 

  

Time after that was chaotic.  The medical staff moved quickly to get the family out of the room and to verify the death. The nurse asked me and another friend of the family to help pack up the room and move everything out.  In retrospect, the pace of this was not the way I would have preferred things if I were assisting in a home death.  I would want to bathe the body, bless it and sing to it.  Dress it in pretty clothes and prepare it to go to where ever it needs to next.  I don’t believe that the body is just an empty shell left over when the spirit leaves, but that it holds intrinsic value and sacredness.   Caring for the body can be a spiritual act and a therapeutic process for loved ones.  I regret that there wasn’t time for me to offer this to the family. 

I was greatful to be able to be there for my friend, and to be witness to the passing of a wonderful woman.  While it wasn't the chaplaincy experience I had planned on having that day, it was an experience that has enriched my pastoral education and reminded me of the beauty of life.  

Bright Spring Blessings,

Holly

 

Week 20

            It is already midterms and so I am looking ahead and thinking about how I will wrap up my time as an intern prison chaplain.  Since I will need to write an essay to conclude my coursework, I’ve been looking through the files I have collected and created in the past two years.   I am wondering what I could, or should, do with it all.  So far I have created/written:

        -A prison based ritual for each of the eight Sabbats.  

        -A prison based ritual for the moon phases.

        -Several prison based rituals for healing, blessings, and   

          personal growth.

        -Many ideas on topics for prison based Pagan groups.

        -Nine educational handouts that follow a structured 

         monthly curriculum (I want to expand this to twelve). 

        -At least a dozen other handouts about Pagan issues. 

        -Several essays about prison chaplaincy for class projects.

        -Dozens of resources that volunteers and inmates can 

          access to support their Pagan lives and work.

        -And this blog!

            I am wondering what I can do with all of this.  A few people have suggested that I put it online and offer it to the public for free, and others have said that it could be collected and edited into a book.  I am not really sure what is the best thing to do, but I do like the idea of helping other new volunteers.  I think many Pagan volunteers throughout the states are recreating the wheel each month since there is so little available to use as a resource. 

            I am very open to suggestions of what I might be able to do with all of these Pagan prison items filling up my hard drive.  Let me know if you’ve thought of something I haven’t, or are aware of challenges and opportunities that may alter my path! 

            I would also like to remind the public that there is a great need for Pagan themed books, CD’s, and magazines in most prisons.  I know that the one I work with has a small and very heavily used Pagan section.  Many inmates tell me that they have read and reread all of the Pagan books in the chapel library many times over.   Some of these books are decades old and quite dated, although I am happy to see that we have a lot of the “classic” Pagan books available to check out.  If you have any Pagan materials and are interested in donating them to myself send me a note and we can work it out!  I am happy to pay the shipping costs. 

Warm Winter Blessings,

Holly

Week 19

             Today I had nine people who asked to speak with me, one welfare phone call to make, and a group of volunteers from a Russian Orthodox church to escort into the prison.  It was a busy day!  I have a three hour time window to see people in the morning and another four hours in the afternoon.   It can get tricky to fit everyone in, and there is always time lost trying to find inmates and waiting for them to (maybe) show up. 

            One of the inmates wanted to see me to talk about the anniversary stresses that they had been trying to cope with.  For the first time,  the inmate opened up and talked about their crime.  It had been something we had danced around in our biweekly meetings.  I think it was good to get the crime out into the open so that the inmate could see that I wasn’t going to abandon or reject them as they feared.  Guilt and punishment by God is a continual theme for this inmate.  While remorse and responsibility are an important part of rehabilitation, self-flagellation is not a motivating skill, and I am trying to steer this inmate away from it. 

            I also was asked to speak with an inmate that I do not enjoy working with.  This inmate is in jail for a sexual crime, and I suspect that they make up things to talk to me about.  The Freudian part of my mind finds that in of itself to be interesting!  Why does this inmate find it necessary to make up or embellish stories in order to speak with me?  Do they not feel worthy of spending time in a chaplain’s presence?  Do they enjoy presenting a false face and manipulating others?  Is it an example of possible cognitive delays that have gone on diagnosed?  It could be all of that, or none of that, but since I can’t know for sure I will just keep offering the ministry of presence to the best of my abilities. 

            I also got to speak with an inmate who is on solitary confinement.  This was an interesting experience because I have spent very little time in this section of the prison.   While I was counseling this inmate who was in the midst of processing a tragic death in the family, other inmates began to scream and call out in distress.  When one would yell another would yell back.  Sometimes I could barely hear the person I was trying to talk to.  The pain in the voices was audible, and one person called out that they had been “back here” for four years.  Then someone shouted that the chaplain was back here, and everyone got quite.   I could hear a few apologies being said.

While I do believe that solitary confinement is necessary for some violent and predatory inmates, it has been fairly clearly established that it can cause an exacerbation of mental health problems and worsen behavioral acting out.  

            Solitary confinement (what the inmates I work with call “the hole”) is not used extensively in the prison I work with, but there are prisons in other states that only use this form of isolation liberally to deal with disciplinary issues.  Some prisons only have solitary confinement as an option, although sometimes two inmates will share a cell.  I suspect that it is favorable in some institutions because staffing is reduced when inmates are not interacting with each other.  

            This form of isolation is inhumane and illogical.  Humans are social creatures who like to live in herd like formations.  It is unnatural for most of us to live without human companionship in some form.  It is also does not make any logical sense that by locking people up, and having them completely alone for twenty three hours a day, that we would be helping them in any way be better prepared to live a prosocial life in the outer communities.  

            National Geographic made a documentary called Solitary Confinement that is available to view on Netflix.  It clearly demonstrates the devastating effects of solitary confinement and the way that it affects the mental health of people who have to endure it.  I highly recommend that anyone concerned with the welfare of incarcerated adults view this documentary. 

Week 16

Weddings

            As I start the second half of my internship, I am aware of how much different this terms feels from my first.  I feel far more comfortable in my role as a chaplain.  I realized that I now know just which key to use for which door and how to actually find (most) of what I need on my computer!  I also don’t have to ask for help as much from my supervisor, but there are still all sorts of rules that I am not clear on.  I try to keep a draft e-mail open to jot down things I am unclear on so that I can send her just one e-mail a day! 

            I have also been thinking a lot about marriage.  It is wedding season here at the prison.  Weddings only happen once in the spring and once in the fall, so my box is filling up with people who want to talk about marrying the love of their life- or the person they just met a few weeks ago via the mail.  Ironically, I am planning my own summer wedding, so no matter where I am, marriage vows and wedding bells are on my mind.

            What does a prison wedding look like anyway?  Well, in my institution the inmate is not allowed to dress up at all.  Normal clothes must be worn, and rings are not exchanged at this point.  Rings can be sent in at a later date.   Visitors can dress up if it abides by the strict dress code policy.  We may have two inmates who are getting married, or we may have one inmate marrying someone from the outside.  Either way, two approved witnesses need to be available, and the inmate needs to find someone to officiate to do the ceremony.  Chaplains who work at the prison are not allowed to legally witness or perform any weddings at the prison.  The cost to hire someone is around $70 plus the same for the marriage license.  The cost can be prohibitive as can the requirement to find two witnesses.  Some people I work with don’t know anyone who can, or would, come and witness their marriage. 

            Laws vary state to state.  Texas recently ended all proxy marriages (marriages where one person isn’t present at the time of the wedding) and does not allow marriages to happen on site.  This means no inmates in Texas can get married.  Perhaps for good reason.   Audrey Arthur cited many examples of inmates marrying civilians in order for the civilian to gain access to money and life insurance policies. 

            Only three states in America allow marriage by proxy:  California, Colorado, and Montana.  Montana will even allow a double proxy marriage!  Now imagine that for a moment.  Two people who have never met in person can legally marry each other in the state of Montana.  Is that really going to promote a healthy relationship?  I’m not saying that it can’t happen, just that it seems unlikely.

            There may be an upside to marriages that happen behind bars.  “Although it gets them no special privileges, married inmates are considered a boon to the correctional system. Marriage gives them a stake in something on the outside, a reason to behave, finish their time and move on (Brown, 2011).  I have found that every inmate who has hopes of getting out of prison needs something to focus on to make it through the incredible, and dehumanizing, daily struggles of prison life.  If getting married will help someone find hope, and perhaps love for themselves, than it is something to be celebrated by all parties.

            Some people feel like getting married is a privilege and not a right, and that when someone commits a crime they are for fitting many rights, including marriage.  Last fall two male prisoners in an unnamed state were married in a Pagan ceremony.  This received a bit of attention when a blogger on pathos.com ran a hate filled commentary on it.  I am including the link here, but I want to warn my readers that this article can be very triggering for people since it describes the sexual crimes that the men are serving time for.  Gay Pagan Sex Offenders to Wed in Prison.  

I posted a reply to the article:

 

While I do not condone sexual crimes of any sort, I am quite concerned with the hateful tone of this Patheos post. It sounds as if Mr. McDonald feels that he is able to decide who should be afforded what rights in our country. Mr. McDonald are you prepared to be such a moral beacon for the US? It is quite a large job.

Yes, the crimes both inmates committed are appalling, but no, that doesn’t make them inhuman. In our country,  we hold the belief that all humans should be treated equally, and that means that we need to allow people convicted of horrible crimes of pursuing their own path to peace.

And whom does it hurt for these two inmates to marry? Will it injure their victims further? Will it force people in committed relationships to abandon their partners? Will it convince other young men to become pedophiles and so that they can enter the glamorous life of living in a correctional institution? Will it sway good Christians from abandoning their faith and join a Pagan coven? Unlikely.

It was a simple ceremony between two consenting adults. The media attention that Mr. McDonald and others helped it achieve may have been what is wrong with this situation. It could be that the two inmates can get a thrill from making other people uncomfortable, and that by bringing up this case that that has been perpetuated.

 

            I think that sums up my views on weddings behind bars pretty well!

Further Exploration:

An interesting article that gives the reader a glimpse into the realities of marrying someone who is serving time in a correctional facility.  http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-12-21/news/ct-x-1221-prison-wives-20111221_1_prison-marriages-melissa-sanders-rivera-stateville-correctional-center

A short-lived series about life married to someone in prison.  http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/70211628?strkid=1426959376_1_0&trkid=222336&movieid=70211628

An Oprah episode about prison marriages.  http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Prison-Weddings/5