I have not been at the
prison much this week. A series of
events derailed me from my internship!
First my almost spring allergies sent me into a throbbing ear infection,
very unpleasant. I reluctantly called in
sick to work and planned on spending the day laying down and using herbal eardrops
to soothe the infection, but I got an email from a good friend that her beloved
grandmother was back in the hospital and that were going to stop all
interventions and allow her to die. I knew that this would be hard for my
friend so I jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes, and rushed to my car.
The first few hours we were in a holding
pattern waiting for a room to open on a floor better able to handle palliative
care. The staff was trying to slow
things down long enough for a family member to arrive from out of state. I could tell that some of the staff was
stressed about how to perform palliative care while also prolonging her life
long enough for the plane to arrive.
The hospital staff was great. The nurses worked hard to keep Grandma
comfortable and to be as supportive as they could to the family. It was interesting to be able to be on the
other side of the hospital bed and not have to worry about a list of duties and
responsibilities. I enjoyed just being
there for my friend and her loved ones.
Lots of stories, laughter,
and tears were shared. Most of the tears
were mine! My friend did a great job
holding back her tears and just focusing on keeping her grandmother comfortable
and safe. It wasn’t until the moment of
death that her tears really began to flow and the emotions hit her. She didn’t have to hold it back anymore.
I get very emotional about
births and deaths. Tears come easily to
me. It isn’t because I am extremely sad,
but because I am aware of the fragility and the absolute miracle of life. The feeling is so huge, and difficult to
describe with words, that it spills out in my tears.
-Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat
Several amazing things
happened while we were gathered around the hospital bed. The first was that a harpist came in to play
for my friend’s grandmother. It was so
beautiful and soothing. The three of us
in attendance were absolutely quiet and transfixed by watching Grandma’s
face. She was visibly soothed by the
music and woke up enough to have a nice moment with my friend. The woman playing the harp said that the
method she uses is called Music-Thanatology and that she was syncing her music
to the patient’s breathing. This same
therapy was offered at the hospital I had worked for, but I had never been able
to sit and witness its effect. It was
very moving. You can read more about
music-thanatology with the links below.
The second special thing
that happened was that we got the perfect chaplain! My friend had hoped to be able to burn some
sage and smudge her grandmother, but of course that wasn’t allowed because of
the oxygen and smoke alarms. Well, one
doctor said we could just do it and say that we didn’t know it wasn’t allowed,
but the room had the kind of smoke alarms that was attached to a sprinkler
system! The chaplain for our floor came
by and said that although he couldn’t help us burn sage, he could give us some
Rose of Sharon Oil for anointing and teach us how to clean her energy. Now what are the chances that our little
hippie group just happened to stumble onto a shamanic chaplain at a Catholic
hospital?
He showed us a simple way
to cleanse Grandma’s energy field and ground the negative energy. We did this twice as part of a short
ritual. We added some of the rose oil to
a bottle of rose water and used it to spray around the room. I also used it to bless Grandma. I don’t know exactly what I said because I
wasn’t working with any prewritten words, but simply what came to me in the
moment. I called in the Universe, God,
and all of the spirits of loved ones that have passed to be with Grandma. I then anointed her third eye and asked the
Universe to send Grandma all of the best memories of her life and loves. I anointed her heart and asked the Universe
to send Grandma all of the love that she has inspired in other people and also
to reflect back all of the love that she has given. I anointed her hands and asked them to be
blessed for all of the times she has used them to share kindness with
others. I anointed her feet and asked
them to be blessed for all of the trials they have walked through and for the
journey that lies ahead.
Eventually, my friend’s
brother arrived and their grandmother had her oxygen turned off. Thankfully the nurse had good orders for
comforting medications and was not shy about using them. We all told stories and reminisced while we
watched her breathing slow and take short pauses. Each pause would bring tension to the room as
we wondered if this was it, but it took a few hours before her spirit passed on
to whatever lays beyond this life.
Time after that was
chaotic. The medical staff moved quickly
to get the family out of the room and to verify the death. The nurse asked me
and another friend of the family to help pack up the room and move everything
out. In retrospect, the pace of this was
not the way I would have preferred things if I were assisting in a home
death. I would want to bathe the body,
bless it and sing to it. Dress it in
pretty clothes and prepare it to go to where ever it needs to next. I don’t believe that the body is just an
empty shell left over when the spirit leaves, but that it holds intrinsic value
and sacredness. Caring for the body can
be a spiritual act and a therapeutic process for loved ones. I regret that there wasn’t time for me to
offer this to the family.
I was greatful to be able to be there for my friend, and to be witness to the passing of a wonderful woman. While it wasn't the chaplaincy experience I had planned on having that day, it was an experience that has enriched my pastoral education and reminded me of the beauty of life.
Bright Spring Blessings,
Holly
