If God doesn't
give you more than you can handle, does that mean that he wanted my parents
rape me when I was three?
If it is a sin to
lie, then am I going to hell for not telling people the truth about my crime so
that they won't beat me up or try to kill me?
If the Devil puts
temptation in our thoughts, am I possessed for wanting to steal an orange that
is going to be thrown away?
If everything
happens for a reason, does that mean that its ok that my mom beat me every
night and wouldn't let me eat dinner?
If the Bible
tells me to honor my parents, do I have to be nice to the father that molested
me and killed my mom?
If the Bible
tells me to forgive all sins, do I have to forgive the family member that beat
me and my sisters?
If I can't feel
God's love for me, if my life has been total shit, does that mean that I have
been evil since before I was born and God is punishing me for it?
These are some
of the questions that I am asked in my time as a chaplain. I find it horribly sad that so many people
have justified the abuse of children by tying it some form of religious
doctrine. Nearly everyone I talk to who
brings up sexual abuse also brings up how religion was used in conjunction with
the abuse. It's heartbreaking.
While my
personal theology does not include a vengeful God who could ever condone such
atrocities, it means nothing to the inmates I work with if I can't back it up
Biblically.
When I
do pastoral counseling with an inmate, I must work in an
interfaith capacity.o even though I have not studied the Bible in depth, I need
to be able to work with it with an inmate.
After repeatedly being asked the types of questions listed above I
realized that I needed Biblical examples of a child's worth and value, kind and
loving parenting, and a God who loves beyond reason.
I don’t have the
answers yet. I am also wondering if The Gentle Bible may be of some help. The Gentle Bible was developed by Rev. Craig Rennebohm as a way to support people
with mental illness who may be triggered by portions of the Bible. He picked out a reading that “expresses the
love of God, the tenderness and patience of God’s gentle presence” for each day
of the year. I love this idea, and think
that it could be useful for many men and women who struggle with Biblical
passages being used as propaganda to support the abuse they suffered.
I borrowed
several books from the chaplain who supervises me, and I have been putting lots
of sticky notes in them to remind me of the intriguing parts! I also asked my sister in law, who is a
devoted Baptist and loving mother, if she could find me scriptural examples
that I could share with the inmates. She
pointed me towards The Wounded Heart book and workbook by Dan Allander. I look forward to reading through them when
they arrive.
I have only just
begun to research this complicated topic.
I plan on continuing to blog about the issues of sexual abuse and
Christian teachings as I work through them.
I am open to suggestions; so if you know of a Biblical passage or a book
that may offer me some guidance, please let me know!
Let's suppose
somebody abused you sexually.
You still had a choice, though not a good one,
about what to tell yourself about the abuse.
-Albert Ellis
Oh, Holly, this is so hard - indescribably for your inmates, and also difficult for you as their chaplain.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you can "prove" the opposite of ingrained religious beliefs just by quoting "the right part" of their sacred book.
What about saying, "I don't know, but we can find the answer together"? And then ask them to set aside the question for a time as you support them in exploring their pain. It also occurs to me that their bringing up these questions is their expression of hopefulness.
"And where was God in that?" is one of my favorite questions when working with Christians, especially those with strict readings of the Bible, since I know I can't quote the Bible like they can. This may not be a useful question to ask everyone, nor necessarily at the very beginning of your work together. But, just the fact that they are still alive may be evidence of God's loving hand.
You can sit with them and help them observe the wisdom within them -- even if it seems to them only like longings: to feel whole, loved, and strong (I mean power-within, not power-over). I might ask: Could that (the longings) be God talking to you? Isn't God love? What can you do to hear/sense these (positive) messages from God more easily? and so on. You might even ask them to "act as if" God is a loving God - as an experiment.
Another idea might be to ask/assign them to bring in a positive Bible passage each time you meet. That would give you(plural) something to explore, and then close the session with.
Just some ideas from my work as a hospital chaplain, where we rarely get the possibility of building the long-term relationships that you have.
Bless you for serving and bearing witness for these folks, Holly.