Weddings
As I start the
second half of my internship, I am aware of how much different this terms feels
from my first. I feel far more
comfortable in my role as a chaplain. I
realized that I now know just which key to use for which door and how to actually
find (most) of what I need on my computer!
I also don’t have to ask for help as much from my supervisor, but there
are still all sorts of rules that I am not clear on. I try to keep a draft e-mail open to jot down
things I am unclear on so that I can send her just one e-mail a day!
I have also been
thinking a lot about marriage. It is
wedding season here at the prison.
Weddings only happen once in the spring and once in the fall, so my box
is filling up with people who want to talk about marrying the love of their
life- or the person they just met a few weeks ago via the mail. Ironically, I am planning my own summer
wedding, so no matter where I am, marriage vows and wedding bells are on my
mind.
What does a prison
wedding look like anyway? Well, in my
institution the inmate is not allowed to dress up at all. Normal clothes must be worn, and rings are
not exchanged at this point. Rings can
be sent in at a later date. Visitors
can dress up if it abides by the strict dress code policy. We may have two inmates who are getting
married, or we may have one inmate marrying someone from the outside. Either way, two approved witnesses need to be
available, and the inmate needs to find someone to officiate to do the
ceremony. Chaplains who work at the
prison are not allowed to legally witness or perform any weddings at the
prison. The cost to hire someone is
around $70 plus the same for the marriage license. The cost can be prohibitive as can the
requirement to find two witnesses. Some
people I work with don’t know anyone who can, or would, come and witness their
marriage.
Laws vary state to
state. Texas recently ended all proxy
marriages (marriages where one person isn’t present at the time of the wedding)
and does not allow marriages to happen on site.
This means no inmates in Texas can get married. Perhaps for good reason. Audrey Arthur cited many examples of inmates
marrying civilians in order for the civilian to gain access to money and life
insurance policies.
Only three states in
America allow marriage by proxy:
California, Colorado, and Montana.
Montana will even allow a double proxy marriage! Now imagine that for a moment. Two people who have never met in person can
legally marry each other in the state of Montana. Is that really going to promote a healthy
relationship? I’m not saying that it
can’t happen, just that it seems unlikely.
There may be an
upside to marriages that happen behind bars.
“Although it gets them no special privileges, married inmates are
considered a boon to the correctional system. Marriage gives them a stake in
something on the outside, a reason to behave, finish their time and move on
(Brown, 2011). I have found that every
inmate who has hopes of getting out of prison needs something to focus on to
make it through the incredible, and dehumanizing, daily struggles of prison
life. If getting married will help
someone find hope, and perhaps love for themselves, than it is something to be
celebrated by all parties.
Some people feel
like getting married is a privilege and not a right, and that when someone
commits a crime they are for fitting many rights, including marriage. Last fall two male prisoners in an unnamed
state were married in a Pagan ceremony.
This received a bit of attention when a blogger on pathos.com ran a hate
filled commentary on it. I am including
the link here, but I want to warn my readers that this article can be very
triggering for people since it describes the sexual crimes that the men are
serving time for. Gay Pagan Sex Offenders to Wed in Prison.
I posted a reply to the article:
While I do not condone sexual crimes of any sort,
I am quite concerned with the hateful tone of this Patheos post. It sounds as
if Mr. McDonald feels that he is able to decide who should be afforded what
rights in our country. Mr. McDonald are you prepared to be such a moral beacon
for the US? It is quite a large job.
Yes, the crimes both inmates committed are
appalling, but no, that doesn’t make them inhuman. In our country, we hold the belief that all humans should be
treated equally, and that means that we need to allow people convicted of
horrible crimes of pursuing their own path to peace.
And whom does it hurt for these two inmates to
marry? Will it injure their victims further? Will it force people in committed
relationships to abandon their partners? Will it convince other young men to
become pedophiles and so that they can enter the glamorous life of living in a
correctional institution? Will it sway good Christians from abandoning their
faith and join a Pagan coven? Unlikely.
It was a simple ceremony between two consenting
adults. The media attention that Mr. McDonald and others helped it achieve may
have been what is wrong with this situation. It could be that the two inmates
can get a thrill from making other people uncomfortable, and that by bringing
up this case that that has been perpetuated.
I think that sums up
my views on weddings behind bars pretty well!
Further Exploration:
An interesting article that gives the reader a glimpse into the
realities of marrying someone who is serving time in a correctional
facility. http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-12-21/news/ct-x-1221-prison-wives-20111221_1_prison-marriages-melissa-sanders-rivera-stateville-correctional-center
A short-lived series about life married to someone in prison. http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/70211628?strkid=1426959376_1_0&trkid=222336&movieid=70211628
An Oprah episode about prison marriages. http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Prison-Weddings/5
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